Cover

Praise for Invisible Chains

Half Title Page

Also by Lisa Aronson Fontes

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Contents

About This Book

How to Use This Book

Who I Am and Why I Wrote This Book

Part I. What Is Coercive Control?

1. Introduction to Coercive Control

The Continuum of Coercive Control

Coercive Control in Context

2. Controlling Behaviors

Isolating

Cutting Off Contacts

Cutting Off Access to Employment and Money

Ruining Her Reputation and Relationships

Isolating through Technology

Isolating Immigrant Women

The Special Isolation of Military Families

Coercive Entrapment

Resisting Isolation

Micromanaging Everyday Life and Setting Rules

Stalking and Monitoring

Abusing Physically and Sexually

Threatening and Punishing

Guns and Other Weapons

Manipulating

Lying

Withholding and the Silent Treatment

Mind Games and Gaslighting

Manipulating through Status and Special Skills

Belittling and Degrading

More Than Just Insults

Degrading through Sex

Extreme Degradation

Controlling a Woman through Her Children

Distancing a Mother from Her Children

Undermining Her Parenting

Threatening Her Children

Part II. Why Coercive Control Happens

3. Why Some Men Control Their Partners in This Way

Children Learn Their Gender Roles

Boys Learn to Control and Abuse

This Moment in History

Men’s Struggles InfluenceTheir Behavior

Trauma

Alcohol, Drugs, and Mental Illness

Why Some Men Won’t Let Go

4. Why Some Women Get and Stay Involved

All Women Are Vulnerable

Trapped by Romance, Love, and Confused Feelings

Trapped by Gender Expectations

Trapped by Caretaking

Trapped by Circumstances

Trapped by Violence and Threats

Managing the Unmanageable

Resisting Every Day: Control in the Context of Being Controlled

Part III. Coercive Control in Specific Populations

5. Different Gender Arrangements and Coercive Control

LGBT People Facing Coercive Control

Women Using Coercive Control with Their Male Partners

6. Teenage Victims of Coercive Control

Teenagers’ Vulnerabilities

Isolation, Stalking, and Possessiveness

Image Management

Physical Abuse and Domination

Drinking and Drugs

Sexual Pressure

Cell Phones and Computers

Teens with Older Partners

Pregnant and Mothering Teens

LGBT Teens

Young People Helping Each Other

For Adults Who Care about Teens

Part IV. Ending Coercive Control

7. Are You Being Victimized?

Assessing the Relationship

Controlling Relationship Assessment

Assessing Lethality: Risk of Death

Assessing Your Coping Strategies

Final Thoughts on Assessing Your Relationship

Reaching a Decision

8. Are You Staying? Expecting Change?

Staying in the Relationship

If a Controlling Person Wants to Change

How Do You Know If a Controlling or Abusive Person Has Changed?

When a Controlling Man Stops Being Physically Violent

9. Ending the Relationship

Seek Support

Domestic Violence Agencies

Therapy or Counseling

Medical Help

Police and Advocates

How Will the Abuser Respond If You End the Relationship?

Create a Safety Plan

If Your Partner Has Access to Guns

Protect Your Money

Protect Your Children

If He Stalks You

How Others May Respond If You End the Relationship

Final Thoughts on Ending a Relationship of Coercive Control

If the Abuser Ends the Relationship

10. Feeling Like Yourself Again: Recovering from Coercive Control

How You May Feel If You End the Relationship

Forgiving?

Some Tips for Recovering from a Coercive Control Relationship

Entering a New Relationship

11. If Someone You Care About Is Being Victimized by Coercive Control

Especially for Family and Friends

For Professionals in the Field

12. Conclusion

Resources

References

Index

Acknowledgments

About the Author